Giving good compliments is an art that can brighten someone’s day and strengthen relationships. A thoughtful compliment can make people feel valued and appreciated, but it’s essential to ensure that it is genuine and specific. The best compliments are sincere, tailored to the individual, and reflect something meaningful about their character, achievements, or appearance. Whether you’re complimenting a colleague on their work, praising a friend’s kindness, or admiring someone’s outfit, the key is to express your appreciation in a way that feels authentic and personal. Understanding how to give compliments effectively can foster positivity and create stronger bonds in both personal and professional settings.
Best Compliments That Land Every Time
On a recent weekday afternoon, Xuan Zhao visited the post office just before it was set to close. The employee assisting her demonstrated remarkable patience, going above and beyond to help with a stack of packages. Before leaving, Zhao handed him a compliment card she had designed. The card’s front read, “Your willingness to go the extra mile never goes unnoticed.” On the back, it shared a message: “You’re receiving this compliment because your awesomeness deserves a big shoutout,” along with a reminder that kind words can have a profound impact and a suggestion to pay it forward. Zhao recalls, “He had such a big smile on his face.”
Zhao, a behavioral scientist at Stanford University and CEO of the well-being start-up Flourish Science, has led research that reveals how we often underestimate the positive impact of compliments on both the giver and the receiver. As a result, we tend to offer fewer compliments than we should. “A compliment is a small but powerful act that brightens your day and someone else’s,” Zhao explains. “And it costs nothing.”
You make even ordinary moments feel extraordinary.
This compliment, one of Zhao’s favorites, is particularly effective between romantic partners and close family members. “It’s a beautiful and profound way to highlight how their presence transforms life into something meaningful and worthwhile, even amidst the routine and ordinariness of everyday life,” she explains.
If you’re hesitant about giving a compliment like this, you’re not alone. Many people worry about delivering compliments “competently,” fearing that if their words aren’t perfectly phrased, they’ll be met with ridicule. To overcome this fear, Erica Boothby, a social psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and co-author of Bohns’ complement research, suggests doing a practice run. “If it helps to lower the bar for you, try writing it down first or practice saying it aloud. You could even give the compliment to your pet cat,” she advises. Finding a way to make yourself comfortable—whether that means practicing in front of a mirror or taking small steps—can make a significant difference in building the confidence to share your kind words.
You handled that situation so well.
Bohns recently offered one of her favorite compliments when she witnessed a server handle a challenging situation with a customer at the bar. “I love this compliment because it’s especially effective in tense moments when the other person may be uncertain about whether they handled the situation well,” she explains. “It reassures them that they did, and it shows that their efforts to diffuse the tension or assist someone hasn’t gone unnoticed.”
When it comes to giving compliments, Bohns advises against second-guessing yourself. Compliments should be offered freely and generously. Many people worry that they might overdo it and come across as insincere, but Bohns argues that this concern is often misplaced. “Our perception of how many compliments we should give is usually lower than what people actually find acceptable,” she notes. “You don’t need to overdo it, but you can definitely give more compliments than you think.” As long as your compliments are genuine and not made with ulterior motives, the encouragement to compliment is explicit.
I love the way you bring out the best in people.
Be specific when giving compliments. Adding details can transform a simple compliment into something truly meaningful, so make an effort to highlight particular qualities or actions. Zhao favors this approach because “it acknowledges an individual’s willingness, effort, and growth mindset, especially in recognizing and nurturing the potential in others—often before those individuals see it in themselves.” She notes, “This is high praise for anyone aiming to make a positive impact, like a leader or teacher.”
For example, if you’ve just heard someone give an engaging talk at a conference, don’t settle for a generic “good job.” Instead, express what specifically resonated with you: “Your talk was incredibly inspiring.” Zhao suggests going further by explaining how it inspired you to think about something in a new way. A more personalized compliment could also involve acknowledging someone’s progress in an area they’ve been working hard on, such as slowing their speech or eliminating filler words. This shows that you not only notice their efforts but also appreciate the improvements they’ve made.
I’m really impressed with your ability to work under pressure.
Respect is crucial when giving compliments. Many women can recall “compliments” that missed the mark—such as catcalling or unsolicited comments on physical appearance—that were anything but flattering. “These aren’t genuine compliments because they fail to show respect,” says Bohns. Before offering a compliment, it’s important to ensure that it’s thoughtful and appropriate for the situation. For instance, if a colleague has just delivered an impressive presentation, focusing on her appearance instead of her work would send the wrong message. “It would imply, ‘We value you for how you look, not for your contributions in this professional context,'” Bohns explains. “It’s like saying, ‘Nice job, but you looked good doing it.'” Additionally, be mindful to avoid backhanded compliments, which may seem harmless but often contain veiled criticism or insults. Also, refrain from making comparisons between individuals, as this can undermine the sincerity of the compliment.
Your performance was brilliant.
People rarely tire of receiving compliments, so if you’re with a friend who’s hesitant to offer one, encourage them to go for it. “When you’re not the one trying to find the right words or approach a stranger, it’s easier to see that it will make the other person feel good,” Bohns explains. You might say something like, “You really enjoyed that person’s talk—go tell them how great it was.” And if your friend hesitates, thinking the speaker has already heard it countless times, remind them that one more compliment might just be the perfect touch to make their day.
Hey, great earrings!
Don’t hesitate to compliment strangers. In Bohns’ research, college students were asked to approach a stranger of the same gender and offer a compliment—such as complimenting their shirt. Before doing so, participants were asked to predict how the compliment would make the other person feel. The results revealed that people tend to underestimate the positive impact of compliments while overestimating how intrusive it might be to receive one from a stranger. “Across all contexts, compliments make people feel better than we expect,” Bohns notes. Strangers are often more flattered than confused, and who knows—you may not only brighten someone’s day but also make a new connection.
And when you receive one, say “thanks.”
Many of us feel uncomfortable accepting compliments, often blushing, avoiding eye contact, mumbling in embarrassment, or even downplaying the praise. If this sounds familiar, try to remember how good the person complimenting you is likely to feel—and smile while responding with something like, “Thank you, that means a lot,” suggests Boothby. Although it can be challenging to shift your focus away from your own discomfort at the moment, consider it an opportunity to strengthen your connection with the other person. Both of you will leave the interaction feeling happier, and it will set a positive tone for the rest of your day.
Frequently Asked Questions
What makes a compliment genuine?
A genuine compliment is specific, thoughtful, and sincere. It focuses on something meaningful about the person, such as their efforts, talents, or character, rather than simply their appearance or superficial traits. The key is to express appreciation in a way that feels authentic and personal.
How can I compliment someone without sounding insincere?
To avoid sounding insincere, ensure your compliment is specific and tied to something real. For example, instead of a vague “great job,” say something like, “Your presentation was really insightful, especially the part about how you addressed the audience’s questions.” This shows you genuinely paid attention and valued their effort.
Can I compliment a stranger?
Yes! Complimenting a stranger, like remarking on someone’s outfit or how well they handled a situation, can be a nice, unexpected gesture. Research shows that people tend to appreciate compliments more than we expect and are often flattered, not bothered, by them.
How do I compliment someone without making them uncomfortable?
Respect is key. Make sure your compliment is appropriate for the context and the relationship you have with the person. Avoid comments about physical appearance in professional or formal settings, and ensure that your compliment doesn’t feel patronizing or backhanded. It’s essential to make sure the compliment is about the person’s qualities, work, or character, not about how they look or behave superficially.
What should I do if someone compliments me?
When receiving a compliment, smile and say “thank you.” While it may feel awkward at first, accepting compliments graciously helps build positive connections. Remember that the other person likely feels good offering the compliment, and acknowledging it warmly enhances both of your experiences.
Can I compliment someone too much?
Compliments should be given in moderation, but don’t worry too much about overdoing it. People often appreciate recognition more than we realize. The key is to be sincere and thoughtful with your compliments. Avoid showering someone with empty praise and instead focus on acknowledging their efforts or qualities in a meaningful way.
How do I compliment someone on their growth or progress?
Acknowledge specific improvements or efforts, such as, “I’ve noticed how much you’ve improved in managing time during meetings,” or “Your ability to stay calm under pressure is awe-inspiring.” Compliments that focus on growth and effort highlight the person’s hard work and are often more meaningful than compliments on natural talent or appearance.
Is it okay to compliment people in a professional setting?
Absolutely! Compliments in professional settings are a great way to build rapport and show appreciation. Just be mindful of the context. Focus on someone’s work, skills, or contributions rather than personal traits. For example, complimenting a colleague’s well-organized presentation or problem-solving skills is appropriate and can foster a positive work environment.
Conclusion
Giving good compliments is a simple yet powerful way to brighten someone’s day, strengthen relationships, and create a positive atmosphere. The key to an effective compliment is sincerity—make sure it is genuine, specific, and relevant to the situation. Whether you’re complimenting a colleague for their hard work, a friend for their kindness, or even a stranger for their outfit, taking the time to offer a thoughtful compliment can make a significant impact. Remember to be respectful, avoid overthinking, and embrace the opportunity to connect with others through appreciation. By giving compliments more freely, you not only uplift those around you but also contribute to a more positive and supportive environment.
